Monday morning I woke up in anticipation. I just felt that God was going to bring me something. Long story short I met this girl who actually recognized me from Verner Elementary School. I used to go to some summer enrichment workshops there over the summer when I was a kid. Anyway, so she told me about this conference going on and how one person had just dropped out. So I'm going to New York for Spring Break for a model UN conference. It's universities all over the country and all around the world. My ticket is paid for and my room. Working for the government has always been something I've been interested in and thought about. All this just fell in my lap last night. Anyway, I'm excited about the trip but I'm also excited that God truly is amazing!

If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, Your life
should that be all I’ll ever need
or is there more I’m looking for

and should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what You want

I am a whore I do confess
but I put You on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
but I put You on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle to you

so could You love this bastard child
though I don’t trust You to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in Your side
I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that I would take a little cash
over Your very flesh and blood


-Derek Webb "Wedding Dress"

Crap, I've gotten used to being lazy around the house and having my meals cooked for me (well, some of the time), waking up when I want to and then going to work for a little bit and then coming home and watching TV or whatever and then going to sleep. I also have gotten used to be anti-social since I've pretty much been hanging out with my parents since the second week of January. I admit it, I don't want to go back to school! Starting Monday I have to wake up for 8 o'clock classes every freakin day and smile at people I don't really care about and ask how people's days are going. Now I am gonna shutup and stop complaining.

Best part of my birthday: Listening to the voicemail of my three year old neice singing Happy Birthday to me
Worse part: I'm 20, I'm old...

I'm excited/nervous about what God has planned for me this summer. There's this job that I want and this missions trip I really want to go on.

School starts MONDAY, yay, finally. I can't believe it, I have to do homework and study again.

So I had the best dream I've had in a very long time last night. It felt SO real, it was crazy. Most of the time when I dream, a part of me know that it's a dream, but I woke up thinking that it had really happened and then I realized it was a dream and that feeling was awful! Like Cinderella or whoever says, "A dream is a wish your heart makes". Maybe my wish will come true this year. Anyway, sometime this week is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I think it should be February 14. haha.

OK, so I am sure that everyone has been a third wheel before but have you ever in your life been a FIFTH wheel. My friend ASURED me that she and this guy were strictly friends. Oh ok, so we get to Gatlinburg and suddenly they're dating. So it's raining and it's akward so I walk behind both couples the whole time we're there. Heck of a way to spend New Year's Eve huh? I've never been so humiliated or lonely in my life. OK, that's probably an exaggeration but it sucked a lot. Jesus was my date for New Year's Eve. I watched the ball drop with Him. :)

I turn 20 in a few weeks. I don't really care except for it sort of blows my mind a little bit. I don't feel 20. Weren't things supposed to be easier as you got older and "wiser"? Nope, there's just a whole new set of dramas for every decade of your life.

Everyone's gone and I'm still here. I'm here until January freakin 29th, Lord, I just pray that I don't go stir crazy in Tuscaloosa. Anyone want to take a roadtrip, even to Birmingham???? Anywhere.

Well, I am back home and it's a little weird. It's really cold because I don't control the heat, dad does. Today was fun and I definitely spent some quality time with the family at Ruby Tuesday's of all places since we were too lazy to cook. Tried to go see the new James Bond movie today but ended up watching 1/3 of The Prestige and then getting our money refunded...it's a long story. I'm just really thankful for my family I guess is the whole point of this post. Sure, I have a lot of hopes and desires, but today was pretty dang good. HAPPY THANKSGIVING and if you are going shopping tomorrow, be safe!

Sometimes, routines can start to get annoying. I hate biology and I especially hate Spanish. I hate that they want you to be "well-rounded" and make you take classes that have absolutely nothing to do with what you're interested in. I want to go far far away from here, I'm bored. I want to go on safari in Africa or go see the sights and sounds of Italy. I'm tired of my suitemate, and I'm tired of seeing the same people over and over again at school. I'm tired of the bookstore and I'm tired of eating lunch and dinner at the same place everyday. Am I happy? I'm content, just bored. I want to go back to Disney World.

All the drama that we go though in our daily lives are so insignificant in the greater scheme of things. Stuff that seems to be a big deal right now, will be completely worth nothing ten years from now. But it doesn't matter because we are living in the here and now. We did this in high school we're doing it in college and we'll do it when we're married with kids and until the day we die, but how much time will we waste on things that we have no control of anyway?

I driving back home tomorrow; I don't want to drive home but I am because my mom is at DCH and she's sick and the doctors don't know why she is right now but they're saying that it doesn't look good. My dad wants me to stay here and go to class tomorrow morning. It's times like these where my faith is truly going to be testing. When I have absolutely no control of the situation at all. 

So, here we are, in October. Wow, where did the time go? Sure there have been a few weeks where it's gone by awfully slow, but as a whole, it's been in a blink of an eye.

I feel good about where I am right now. I am not done by any means, I still have so much more to learn and to do, but it's good to know that I don't have to worry because I will be taken care of, no matter how things turn out. 

I'm going home today for the first time in a long while because my sister is going back for her 10 year high school reunion. What is my high school reunion going to be like? Is it bad that I don't care about a lot of people that went to high school with me? I think it would be fun just seeing how everyone turned out.

FALL BREAK next weekend! I want to take a roadtrip somewhere--I'm itching to just get on the road and drive somewhere.